When someone asks you to help with his assignment

So, I was asked to help with some university assignment and share my point of view about Nadeem F. Paracha’s blog published on 20th October 2011 in Dawn News website. On a serious note, If you live in Pakistan and don’t know about NFP. Leave.My.Blog.Now! … This post is the outcome of my ‘point of view’. Read and suffer.  I would be using the same Images posted on web FTW – No I don’t give a damn about copyright – but you may read my point of view under each Image .. Here we go.

“Mein they Kaawangaa Chicken De Boti , Utey Naal Khamiri Roti” … Man he has taken that too personal.

To fight Russians, US made Talibaan And Al-Qaeda but to fight Pakistan, they made this state of art biological drones aka Dengue mosquitoes … You don’t believe? See the black and white stripes they both have in common.

“The black ‘Shalwar Kameez’ is 400% halal, Junaid bayee sent me as a charity for Ghazwaa e Hind .. Laal Topi is a gipt prom Bacha Khan, when i was on my way to Ghazwa e Awghanistan via Pekhawaar … The goat of Panjshair aka Ahmed Shah Masood gifted me the waist coat which I always wear and yeah it smells bad .. And about the SMG, No! I mean yes, it’s made in Israel but the story goes like this. On his way back from Damascus in 634 Hazrat Khalid Bin Waleed took this Machine gun as ‘Maal e Ghanimaat’ from the elders of Zion and it was brought to Pakistan by Mohammed Bin Qasim and since then it has been running in the family … And since I am Arab and am meant to conquer India, the day has finally come to take the weapon out and use it against the Hindu Zionists … Allah o Akbar!” *Machine Gun- Phyree*

God should have saved some time by just fitting eyes on a woman’s face when they are not allowed to show it to others ( which i am 400% sure they are). Seriously! He could have used that extra time on the minds of those fuking extremists!

Rehman Malik, Salesman of the year! Keley Layloooooo *Showing Apples* , Saib Laylooooo *Showing Bananas! At least he Is doing some good to his country selling fruits than being interior minister.

 That’s the reason I would never ever be thinking of doing my Masters from Baluchistan University … Guess who did!

When people say “Shit Happens!”, they are right.

 Hell no! We can’t be vegetarians … We are Muslims Alhamdullilah! How can we be unjust to cattle’s? We should feed those grass to the cattle’s so that they buff up and provide enough meat for the Bakraa Eid.

If you are “Wailaa” enough!

Most of the people understanding the meaning of “Wailaa” would not continue reading this blog the minute they read the title of this post. That’s because they are egotist suckers. And for those of you who are insistent to read – may be you don’t know it’s meaning or probably you don’t want to hurt your ego by being labelled ‘egotist sucker’- let me tell you that “Wailaa” is not a foul word. It’s just the Desi version for a ‘Useless Prick’! Which I am sure is not ‘Shat’ in our friend circles.

Now that you are so desperate to find out about who is one and who is not, I, being a semi-expert, will definitely help you identify them. But promise me that you will not get hurt if you turned out to be one because I cannot risk my already fragile relation with you dear visitors who fuckin visit this poor thing just 3 times a day! So sit agile and single out your “Wailaa” friends.

You know you are a “Wailaa” :

1. When you have got admission in a decent University in the department you loved the most but still chose not to pay the admission fee and have a rest for an year.

Seriously, what were you thinking? Or were you high on Pot? Because no sane person who cares for his/her future would commit this sin – you Idiot . But If you were thinking you would stay back at home for a – long as Indian movies – year and find the solution to the Theory Of Everything, you were wrong son! Cuz one can’t figure it out unless one has watched all those great TV series like LOST, 24, The Big Bang Theory and what not! Not because one will need the knowledge present in those movies for one’s research, but because these awesome movies and TV series will not fucking let you to concentrate on your work.

2. When you wake up early in the morning (every single day since your schools finished) at 11 a.m. That also because the “Kaam Walee aunty” has come to dust the rooms.

Don’t. I said don’t try to philosophize your laziness with the 8 hours of sleep you had last night – day actually – as I know you went to bed at 3 a.m. after watching that movie ‘Slackistan’. All joking aside, going late to bed doesn’t give you the license to keep sleeping that late into the day! But, did you actually stay awake so late just to watch that crap till the end? You answer yes and I would say Shame on your DVD player for having beared that thing for almost 2 hours inside its belly. And as a side note, this was the only time in my entire life when I thanked god for not making me a DVD player.

3. When you open your Facebook account – on days other than official holidays – after you wake up at 11 a.m. and feel content to see that there are other “Farigh” people appearing online. Just like you my boy, just like you.

Virtual world is no different than the real world. Here too people feel no guilt and try to justify for doing something really retarded just because everybody else does that. I mean really, this is what I hate the most. Lest someone break a signal on an empty road or drive the wrong direction on one-way road for a shortcut or … (the list is never ending), retards get their justification and feel no nothing doing that black things. Same is the case with a “Wailaa” who doesn’t feel to be useless when he/she see’s appear online on Facebook during work or school hours.

4. When you make a to-do list with 16 tasks to be finished and end up accomplishing only 3 of them.

Technically speaking, I also come under this category (actually, I comply with all of the above 4 points). But truthfully, I can never complete all the tasks I am supposed to finish according to my to-do list in one day. Even if the task is as simple as :

  • Get a life and stop writing blogs.
  • Don’t be/get bothered if you don’t fuckin like Twitter.
  • Stop wasting the time of people with long posts.
5. When you read the first 2 points and didn’t turn out to be a “Wailaa”. And you even realized that this post is an account of personal experience of the writer but still kept on reading because you were pressing hard to relate this post to yourself. Therefore, Let me not disappoint you then. This point is dedicated to you’s so that you do not acknowledge yourself an outcast.
No comments ;P
  • p.s.  This post was written over a time period of 3 days. There may be mistakes of which i am sure but if you find out one, you are “Shokhaa” and “Chaw-wal” enough to take It seriuously. And “Wailaa” enough to have read so attentively.
  • p.p.s. “Shokhaa” and “Chaw-wal” are also Desi terms. Side-note for noobs.

Mehrnoosh The Great !

I actually had a complete Album of her somewhere in my USB drive but as I did not like Persian songs much (just till two days back), I just did not bother myself to check out what it felt like listening to her songs. Mehrnoosh is now one of my favorite singers. This post is actually edited twice just because I am getting addicted to her voice. Guys check her songs out, surely you will like it!

Not to forget mentioning … Guys please don’t let people make your heart start hating others. I am saying this because i did not like Iranians just because i heard others saying bad things about them … Don’t let yourself become like me because i don’t know how much sweetness have i just missed 🙂

Post-traumatic stress

To be honest, the recent execution style killings of our tribesman in Quetta has not affected me the way it has moved other members from my community! Had it been three years ago, I seriously would have wasted my time imagining about joining any armed group to retaliate instead of writing this blog post. But not any more! This change in attitude maybe because I have matured or to put it the right way, may be I have turned into a coward self, fearing the consequences. You may decide whatever you feel like.

But as I see it, my current state of emotional numbness is something built-in. It activates when the body starts choosing between “Suffering” and “Letting go”. And in my case, I think i have chosen the “Letting go” option.

“Letting go”, as I have a definition of it in my mind means something very different. It never means being indifferent about what is happening to others. I will try to make it as simple as I can for you dears to understand … Let me put it this way … Think of yourself as a Platoon leader in US army during World War II and you are trying to land on “Iwo Jima” Island … You are under constant artillery shelling and the Japanese machine guns located on higher grounds are tearing your men down … In that situation when you are a target to any flying bullet, your only objective is to find a safe trench to hide in and prepare for taking down the machine guns … In your way to finding a hideout in the battlefield, the probability of your men getting injured or killed is very high … And when one of them gets hit, this is where you have to “let go” … Although you are responsible for every Private in your platoon, still you will have to “let go” … Because you have an objective to complete without which you have a great chance of loosing the whole platoon… Similarly, in the current situation of Quetta, “Letting go” and finding a trench in that battlefield to avoid any further loss should be our primary objective. But unfortunately, we are acting very confused in that battlefield.

You can compare our current response to killings in Quetta as that of a soldier’s who refuses to receive first aid after getting hit by a bullet! And insists on finding the culprit who shot him first and getting medical attention afterwards.

Summing up, I would insist every Hazara intellectual to try to come with a practical solution to this problem Hazaras of Quetta are facing today. Because ten years from now, I don’t want my baby brother to suffer what we are suffering now. And I have no appetite for becoming a part of community whose youth are all suffering from Post-traumatic stress nowadays.